It starts with just a handful of cereal out of the box.
Innocent enough, right?
What starts as “oh, I just need a little sweet to counter the salty” turns into a full out binge-fest… Oh, there’s only a little bit more milk left so let me pour myself three more bowls of cereal to top it off.
I’m not fat – I’m 5’8″ and 150 pounds on a bad day – but I have an eating disorder.
According to the National Eating Disorders Association, Binge Eating Disorder, or BED, is the most common eating disorder in the United States. It is characterized by eating episodes in which large amounts of food are eaten quickly, a loss of control during this binge, and feeling guilty afterwards. Often times those who suffer from BED will use unhealthy measures to counter the binges such as not eating enough when they don’t binge.
Yesterday, for example, I was healthy for the most part. I had Special K with almond milk for breakfast and a turkey wrap with veggies for lunch. After lunch, boredom struck and so did the phantom hunger I often experience because of it.
I went on a hunt for food. I found a box of stale Cheez-Its in an empty cubicle INSIDE A BOX and stole it back to my own cubicle. There I proceeded to eat half the box with a Diet Coke. When I was done, I felt like my butt had grown twice its size like the Grinch’s heart at the end of the movie. I discreetly rolled the plastic bag up, put it back in the box, and hide the box back in the empty cubicle.
But you work out so it’s okay…
At my age, my metabolism might be able to handle a couple of binge episodes a week but this type of eating is not sustainable.
It is true that I work out a lot. I’m starting to believe I only do it to maintain my binge behavior on a subconscious level. Sometimes I think my binging is a rebellion – I won’t get fat from this, just watch me!
Maybe that isn’t entirely true… I have always been an active person. I swam in high school and continued to do so in college. I’ve tried rowing, I’ve tried lacrosse, I’ve boxed, I take yoga classes, I’ve run a marathon, and, most currently, I’ve taken up CrossFit. I enjoy fitness. I love the way it feels to be covered in sweat after a good workout but I am in danger.
I am in danger of sustaining a bad habit, an eating disorder that occurs in 3.5% of women in the United States, that could lead to my demise.
This blog is going to hold me accountable. I will maintain a record of my fitness habits – good and bad.
I am a physical healthy young woman but…
My life as a mentally healthy young woman starts here.